Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
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