My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
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