I CAN MOONWALK!
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
