...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
