Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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