I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
