VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
