I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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