Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
