how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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