The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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