Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
