No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
