Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
