just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
