I wish I only lived at night.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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