My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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