and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
