you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Randomize
