hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
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