You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
