Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
