Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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