I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
