you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
