Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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