I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
it's not cheating when I paid for it
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
