You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
