At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Just pee around me
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
