How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
