I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
