remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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