I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
