I skipped work to stalk him.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
