Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
