I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
