my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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