she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Two words: blizzard sex
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
