yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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