She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
