On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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