Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
do nipples grow back?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
