They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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