How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
do nipples grow back?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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