btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
