If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
