I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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