Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
