a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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