if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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