I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
